Above all, God is good

The other day I had a panic attack. I have been going to the doctor a lot lately and was concerned when the wisdom teeth surgeon told me he wouldn't be able to take them out without proof that my heart is ok. Faced with a fear of having to go to the cardiologist on top of all of this, I completely lost it. On the way home I was freaking out to Mom (again, poor Mom) worried about getting my school done with all of these appointments. She listens and then says, "At least these appointments are only temporary and you aren't dying of cancer and having to go to the doctor just to survive." Wow. Those were the words I needed to hear. So I came home trusting that God was going to work things through and that it would be ok. I went to bed that night and prayed that things would work out.
Then the next day I went to the doctor. She said that my heart sounded fine and I just have an irregular heart beat. So, I can have the surgeries! I just thought I would share that little bit of news with you and above all, God is good!! :)

Leftovers

Walking into her friend's house, it quickly became clear that this would be a lonely night. All of the girls were either sitting next to their boyfriends or crowded in a tight circle that prevented her from joining in. She stood awkwardly by the door unsure of what to do until finally settling on a chair near the door. As she sat there absentmindedly watching the movie her thoughts went elsewhere. She started wishing she could be friends with someone here, or be welcomed into that circle of friends. She looked at the couch of couples and started wishing she had a boyfriend. She felt like a leftover here in this group of people.
I'm sure we've all felt like that at some point or other. Or if you are the most outgoing person in the world and have always had a boy/girl friend that was PERFECT and never hurt your feelings, then this post isn't for you. And I seriously doubt that's true about anyone.
What's the problem in this story here? Is it the fact that the girls in their tight circle didn't notice Miss Leftovers walk in the door? Should the girls on the couch have gotten up and greeted her? The problem is Miss Leftovers. 2 Timothy 1:7  says, "For the Holy Spirit, God's gift, does not want you to be afraid of people, but to be wise and strong, and to love them and enjoy being with them." Wow. I sure wish I had read that verse a long time ago.
Deep down, being shy and "being afraid of people" is pride. When the girl in the story started thinking about the other people and wishing they would be the ones to initiate a conversation, she started to think she was important and expected attention. But as the Bible clearly states multiple times, we are to be servants. We are to serve others. The girl should have gotten up and initiated a conversation. One of the problems being "afraid of people" does, is it makes us look stuck up. Well, we are being prideful in that moment as we stand against the wall in the back of the room.
Next time you start wanting to shrink back and go back into your protective shell, remember 2 Timothy 1:7. Do your best to be the initiator next time. Who knows? Maybe someone out there is struggling with bashfulness and you talking to them will help them to come out of their shell.
Colossians 3:16. Remember what Christ taught, and let his words enrich your lives and make you wise; teach them to each other and sing them out in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing to the Lord with thankful hearts.

Schedule

I talked to Mom yesterday and decided something. If I am just sitting around half the day with no school work to do, why not double it up and graduate in December? Looking at my schedule, it actually looks like it might happen, but we'll see.
I thought I'd share something funny. My brother Noah said this, Darth Vader, captain of the U.S.S Enterprise, on a five year mission: to find Middle Earth. I think he needed to put a Gotham reference in there and it would perfectly describe our family.
Well, I have to go. I will try to write again later, but I have to feed the kiddos. Here's a beautiful sunrise for ya! ;)

Senior Year, The Dark Knight, Dogs, and more

I am three weeks into my senior year. So far it has been really easy. Too easy in fact. I am going to try to graduate early. I am taking economics, statistics, algebra 2, British literature, Pre-Med, Spanish 2, Music Appreciation, Art Appreciation, and a couple of Bible classes. It seems like a lot, but it doesn't feel like it. I am hoping it will take more time later. Mom says I can get a job in December if I don't fall behind and I get ahead in school. It would be nice to graduate in March or April. I guess only God knows what's going to happen.
I hope your school year is going well. Last year was really hard for me, but now it is getting easier. Here's a tip (or a few). Instead of procrastinating, try to keep accountable with a schedule. When you go to bed, go to bed. Don't spend time thinking back on the day or thinking about tomorrow and its schedule. Take time to get away from school. Sometimes all I needed was to go outside and take a walk. It cleared my brain and helped me to think better when I started back on my school. Doing school to music really helps me think. My favorite music to listen to with school is The Dark Knight soundtrack. It helps me to work fast and well. The upbeat rhythm gets me working faster and my brain works faster. When caught in a slump, try some music. At the end of the day, take time to spend in the Word. Talk to God about your day. Write it out to Him in a prayer journal. That will help you more than anything else. God will help you to get through the hard times.

We have a dog now. His name is Bilbo (go figure). He has had ringworm for the past month or two and we were just now able to let him out of his cage. The girls were so cute playing with him and Bilbo loved it. He was running around licking and nosing the girls like crazy. It's funny. Noah calls him Bibliodography. Dad called him fuzz butt the other day because Bilbo was walking around with fuzz attached to his rump.

I am so blessed to have a good friend now. Her name is Macie. She really encourages me and makes me laugh. The other day we read Nahum together and Jesus Calling. It was really sweet. You all would like her. She loves the Lord of the Rings as well, but she really loves The Dark Knight trilogy. She also has a blog. She has some really good stuff on there, so you should check her out. http://www.makingartforgod.blogspot.com/

Well, I have to go. But I am hoping to start writing more frequently. We'll see if that happens. ;)

Waiting

Life is full of waiting. There's waiting for exciting things like snow in the comic below. There's waiting for hard things, like test results. Waiting can be hard either way. So what do we do in the meantime? Well, the first thing is be patient. I know this is like the hardest thing sometimes, but it is important. James 5:8 says, "Be you also patient; establish your hearts: for the coming of the Lord draws near." So even when it gets hard and you find yourself being anxious, remember, God is with you and above all has a plan for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Even when life is hard, remember that. God has a reason for everything, the amount of time until the next snowstorm. And on.

I don't know if you guys know this but I am writing a book. It is called "Daniel." It is a historical fiction book about a slave boy who befriends a Christian master's son. Daniel is learning to forgive as the book goes on. Maybe at some point I will post some of it on here.

I went on a run today. It felt good, surprisingly. I don't normally like running, but the longer I ran, the easier it got. However, the hard part was my company. My brothers came with me. They thought it was a GREAT idea to splash in every single puddle on the rode, or off it. And if they hit me with the water? BONUS POINTS!!!!!! You guys are probably laughing about that, and I am now, but in the moment, it was VERY frustrating.

The Hobbit the Battle of the Five Armies Extended Edition (wow that's a mouthful) got an R-rating the other day. That kind of disappointed me. I really love Tolkien's work, and I feel like Tolkien wrote The Hobbit to all readers. Now that it is an R-rated movie, it is definitely not going to be one of those movies to watch with the family. From the age of 6 I have been watching at least part of the Lord of the Rings trilogy, Even though it was rated PG-13, I was allowed to see the beautiful Shire scenes, gaze at the beauty of the Misty Mountains, and all the other non-violent parts. It will now be really hard to show the third Hobbit to my 3 year old, 6 year old, and 9 year old sisters. But then again...maybe some of this violence will be with little CGI????I guess only time will tell.

I have to go, but it sure is nice writing again. I really miss writing on those busy days. Well, until next time.

A Long Time

It has been a long time since I last wrote a blog post. A lot has been going on in my life. With our new dog, Bilbo, rustling in the background, I decided that I would write and catch up.
I haven't stopped writing. It has just been hard to post. Monday starts the first day of my senior year, and I have spent most of my summer trying to finish up last year. And Civics from 9th grade. And Physical Science from 10th grade. Ok, you get the picture. I'm kind of a procrastinator.
Well, I had the opportunity to play with UGA Chamber Music this summer. It was my first time back playing the violin in that kind of environment. It was so much fun. It gave me something to look forward to and work towards each week. Now that it's over, I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm sure I'll find something. And if not, maybe I can learn to play the guitar?
My family went to Johnson City again this summer. I stayed home with Noah because I had way too much school to do. Thankfully, Dad rewarded us with movie time in the evenings. I watched "Rise of the Planet of the Apes" for the first time. I liked it, but I don't know how I feel about the apes. It is a love hate relationship I guess.
I went to camp this summer. The first week was great. We really worshipped God and it was great spending time with other believers. The second week was ok, but I got sick and had to go home. It was not fun, and I was very bummed. The third week was awful. I was a total jerk and complained a lot and got sent home. I was totally messed up emotionally. I came home and mom set me right back on track with God.
After camp, I had a hard time. I knew that I hurt others when I complained, and I apologized, but I still felt, and sometimes feel guilty. I found out that I have all of these issues that I won't mention here, but part of it is depression. I have been praying for God's love to go to my heart and clean me up inside. I really want joy, but sometimes it is a struggle. I have to go back to that blog post of when I'm depressed. I need to trust in God's love and kindness towards me.
I have made a good friend named Macie. She is so sweet. She really makes me laugh and I love spending time with her. Yeah, yeah we talk about the Hobbit. But then again, my blog is called A Homeschooled Hobbit, so...you know.
How has your summer been? Has it had its ups and downs? Let me know in the comments. I want you all to know that even though I don't know you, I pray for all of you. I hope you find God's peace and love this night! 

Day 5: Feeling unheard

So I haven't been on in a looooooooooong time mostly because of school, broken bones, and just life, but hopefully I will be back now. I will explain all that happened in another post, but for now, let's move on to the day number 5.

When you feel unheard, choose to believe that He's listening. Psalm 116:2 says, "Because he bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath!"

Wow, I should have read that verse a long time ago. As friendships start to break apart, it often feels like I have no one to talk to. No one to listen. But God is there all along waiting for me to talk! For me to pray to him! I struggle with not having time to read His Word and listen to His voice, and it gets harder and harder as I don't read the Bible, to pray. So basically, this feeling of being unheard could all go away if I would only take the time to listen to Him, to pray to Him.

It can be sooo hard though. This last year has been really hard for me. School has been so rough and my parents and I were even thinking of sending me to public school next year. It was also hard seeing a lot of my friends get girlfriends and boyfriends and not being able to spend time with them anymore. Stress levels were high, and to top it off, some people at a co-op I used to go to were being hateful. It was just so hard to keep on going. I would struggle with my relationships with family members and friends and said a lot of wrong things. I was really hurting. The deep root of the problem was that I had been falling away from God. That is the main reason I have been gone so long to speak the truth.

Through this whole experience I have learned a lot. I really should have turned to God as soon as it got hard. I should have turned to God throughout the year, instead of only when life was good. I know I am not the only one out there who will/has face(d) this problem. Please don't be like me. If it hard to find time to read the Bible, try getting up earlier or beg your parents to stay up later. But don't use that time to read maybe a verse or two and go back to school. Really dive into His Word. Take up your prayers to Him, the one who will always hear you, will always love you.

One thing that has really encouraged me this year is the song, "Shoulders", by For King and Country. When I first heard the song, I thought about the Psalm it comes from Psalm 121, "I lift up my eyes to the hills, from where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord who made heaven and earth."

Day 4: Feeling Unseen

When you feel unseen, choose to believe He knows your needs. Genesis 16: 13, "Thereafter, Hagar used another name to refer to the LORD, who had spoken to her. 'You are the God who sees me.' She also said, 'Have I truly seen the One who sees me?'

Have you ever carried something really heavy through a room full of people and no one offered to help you? How did that make you feel? It made you feel invisible, unseen, uncared for.

Have you ever gotten hurt in a soccer game and the referee wanted to take you out, but you insisted you wanted to stay in, and did? And when you got to the bench, the coach didn't even see that you got hurt? That happened to me once and it felt terrible, even worse than my swollen face!

We all want to be seen. Everyone wants to feel seen. This can turn into pride as we seek the center of attention. But feeling invisible is pretty tough. Can I encourage you to, when in these moments, think about the verse above? Also, think about how much your God has loved you and sees you at all times, both when you want Him to, and when you'd rather He didn't. God loves you no matter what.

Day 3: Feeling alone

As homeschoolers, it is kind of hard to socialize with other people. I played soccer last year and the years prior, but since I am taking the season off, I am really only going to three things: youth group, co-op, and church. It can be hard to feel like you have a lot of friends when you are in a room alone. So, today's topic is the feeling of aloneness.

When you feel alone, choose to believe He'll never leave you. Deuteronomy 31:8 says, "It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed."

I have never had a boyfriend, but I have seen the pain in my friends' faces as they go about life after a break-up. I have seen it get even harder when a mutual friend started dating the person they had been dating. I have sensed a huge feeling of aloneness about them as they go about their everyday life. If you have ever broken up with someone, I think you can agree with my friends' feelings. It's hard. Part of the reason I am not allowed to date till I'm 18.

When you feel alone, don't lock yourself in. Don't let those thoughts of, "Nobody loves me," go through your mind. God loves you. He will never leave you. If you feel like someone is struggling with this aloneness disease, go to them. Talk with them and comfort them. Even if you don't want to be friends, give them the feeling that they are being heard.

I am shy. REALLY shy. When I see people at youth group, I feel really awkward. But some people will always go to me. They will greet me and ask me how my week has been. They make me feel heard.

Take the time to make someone feel heard.  Even if you are struggling with feeling alone yourself, I am sure you can find someone else struggling too. Maybe you will be able to encourage each other. Remember, God will never leave you. Even if you move far away and lose all your friends, God is still there. He will never leave you or forsake you.

Day 2: Feeling Weary

So, I am dead tired and Number 2 on my list is feeling weary so here goes.

When you feel weary, choose to believe He's good. Psalm 100:5 says, "For the LORD is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations."

Do you guys ever feel tired? I mean so tired you can't keep your eyes open much longer. If you answer like yeah! Every day of my life, girl! Get out. Just go...I am just teasing. But I get tired a lot. And not just physically tired, oh no. But emotionally tired. Like, I don't know how much longer I can go on. School is tough. Life is hard. And feeling like that is just hard. Don't do that to yourself!

God is good. Everything is going to be ok. I am not saying that because life is easy for me ok, it's not. At all. You wouldn't believe how many times I have sat in my bed and cried. Mom would come in and say, " Everything is going to be ok." And I am like, "It's not! I'll never survive high school!" Well I survived that week. I survived last week. God has a plan for me and a plan for you. And when you are feeling down like that, remember God is good!

And by the way, I will be coming back to this post next week and probably being like, wow. What a hypocrite. But I need to believe these words. I need to TRUST God. He is there. Take time to talk to Him today.

Day 1: Feeling Scared

Like I said yesterday, I am going to take one Bible verse and talk about it. The first verse is about feeling scared.
When you feel scared, choose to believe He's in control. Psalm 27:1 says, "The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?"

Boy have I been needing that lately.

It is hard not to be scared! I mean, right now I am in my Junior year of high school. I will graduate next spring. I am not ready for that. But, like it said, I need to believe He's in control.

Whether you are afraid of your parents' impending divorce, the things going on around the world, about an upcoming due date, leave it all in God's hands. He is in control.

I want to tell you guys a story. My Dad was driving down towards Target a couple weeks ago and was slammed in the back by another car. The lady who hit him went on and hit three other people. That night was so scary. But Dad escaped from his severely totalled car with only whiplash and a ruptured sac in his elbow. He is getting better slowly but surely. That night, God gave me peace because I left Dad's car accident in his hands. Otherwise, I would have been crying and running around the house like my other siblings. Guys, God will give you that peace if you just leave it to Him. He will listen. He understands.

I am really hoping that over the next few weeks, I will be able to minister to some of you. You guys have created for me a mission field, and I am thankful for that. Through sharing with you, I have learned a lot more about God, and His sovereignty. Thank you guys for that.

I hope you guys have a wonderful day in your part of this world. In mine, it is cloudy and rainy, but I hope some of you are enjoying a beautiful spot of sun. We had some the other day. Boy did that feel good.

Well, I have got to go, but I hope you guys have a good day knowing that GOD IS IN CONTROL.

This Past Week

Well, this past week has been pretty stressful.
But then again, aren't all weeks?
I mean seriously, how often do we have a week where everything is totally chill and we just sit and relax?
Ok, if you say vacation week, go on a vacation. You'll see how stressful even that is.
I've got to say. I procrastinated in one of my classes and ended up STRESSED OUT OF MY MIND!!!!
And it just so happened that that class had a paper due...

Well, I digress. Who all is getting Mockingjay: Part 1 this weekend??? I am sooo excited to show it to my Mom. And see it again. I missed about 20 minutes of it because I went outside to see my youth group. So now I get to see those scenes for the first time!!!! Alright Hunger haters, come back, I´m done now.

My Mom sent me a really cool sheet. It is called: 25 Scriptures to Help Fight off the Lies. I think I am going to create 25 blog posts taking one of those Scripture verses per blog post. Starting tomorrow. I am too tired tonight. But it is really cool and really helped me when I was stressed out.

So my green eye is getting real big tonight. Peter Hollens is playing at Carnegie Hall. With. The Piano Guys. And other people. :( Oh well, a happy birthday shout out to Peter Hollens! And I will satisfy myself reading that verse on the sheet Mom gave me.

I have been studying Civil War in history for a couple weeks now. We will be watching the movie Lincoln soon, but are focusing on documentaries at the moment. It has been really sad reading about all of that. I read a story of a Union soldier capturing a Confederate, only to find it was his brother. And another man killing a man only to find out it was their father. I wonder how the mother´s felt, with her sons fighting each other on opposing sides?

I have to go because I have a Spanish session and then a Financial Peace thing with mi padre. But, I will see you guys tomorrow!
Seriously though.
I am coming back.

At the Cross

I don't really have time to write anything today, but I did want to share something with all of you. There is this song that I want you to hear. Not just hearing the music, but listening to the words. The song is At the Cross by Chris Tomlin. Below are the lyrics. These lyrics have such strong meaning and really encourage me.
"At The Cross"

There's a place where mercy reigns and never dies,
There's a place where streams of grace flow deep and wide.
Where all the love I've ever found,
Comes like a flood,
Comes flowing down.

[Chorus:]
At the cross
At the cross
I surrender my life.
I'm in awe of You
I'm in awe of You
Where Your love ran red
and my sin washed white.
I owe all to You
I owe all to You Jesus.

There's a place where sin and shame are powerless.
Where my heart has peace with God and forgiveness.
Where all the love I've ever found.
Comes like a flood,
Comes flowing down.

[Chorus]

Here my hope is found
Here on holy ground
Here I bow down
Here arms open wide
Here You save my life
Here I bow down
Here I bow down

[Chorus]

Kingdom of Stress

So, I have been so stressed out this week. Thank you, God for a three day weekend! So what are you guys doing this weekend? I know a lot of my friends are on a winter retreat, but what about you guys? I have math, but I am going shopping with my friend, Mrs. Bailey. I need to go to bed, but I thought I should give you an update.
One last thing. When you think you can't stand one more day of the stress, God is with you. He is standing there by your side while you burst into tears. Rely on God for strength. Chocolate is great, but Jesus' love is better. So much love is being poured out towards you. All you have to do is recieve it. Love you guys!

Busy, Busy, Busy

Today has been a very busy day for me. Mom had shopping to do today, so that left me with the kids. It wasn't that hard, because the boys helped out a ton and everyone did a lot of school. But, I have three sessions on Wednesdays, so that can be tiring. I have two of them done, so I only have Spanish at 8 tonight. I am kind of nervous about that, though. I have a new teacher now. I really liked my old teacher, but I still have my friends from last semester. My new teacher looks very nice, so I am sure I have nothing to be nervous about.
Right now I am listening to Interstellar music while I work. If you haven't seen it yet, I urge you to go see it. I got a little bored at points, because I don't like space movies that much, but the acting, music, and story is just amazing. I actually loved the music so much that I learned how to play it on the piano. I recorded it, and will put it below, if you are interested.
Stay warm, guys! It is soooo cold outside! The wind is ripping our house apart, literally. There are pieces of the roof flying towards the ground! It is supposed to be 17 degrees for four hours straight tonight, and it will feel like 8 degrees. I can't imagine living far up North and being used to this kind of weather. BRRRR!!!!
I wanted to say something, though before I close. I know it can be hard to transition from break to school, but I want you to know that even when you go through bigger changes, as some of you might be graduating this spring, remember, through it all, God is ALWAYS with you. He loves you with a never stopping, never giving up, always, and forever love. Remember that he is there with you as you head on into this new semester. I will be praying for all of you, even if I don't know your names, faces, or really anything about you, I pray that one day we will meet in Heaven.

New Year Break and Back to School

So, this past week I went to TN. I had a blast being there with family. It has been a long time since I could see all of them. I hadn't seen the Ballards since Andrew graduated, and the Wongs, since Camp Little Light. I don't know the last time I saw the Vaughans. But, it was very fun and there was a lot of good food, fellowship, and prayer. Papa shared something from his heart each night, which was very special and then we would all pray for one family at a time. It was super neat.
I started school again. It doesn't look that bad, but I will be reading a very innapropriate and atheist book. I am really nervous about reading it, so please pray for me. Thankfully, I will be reading it with my Mom, so she can offer me support and Godly advice. I hope all of you that are starting school back have a stress-free semester and rely on God, even when the anxiety is horrible. Here are some pictures to close out.

Zach

Zach and Ryan

Siblings

Lil cuzins

Mik, Calvin, and Dakota

Naomi and Nate

Papa and Bu

Games

Elsas

Cousin Meeting

Dakota & Violin